I have finally decided to talk about our journey to have a baby. It's a very private and personal journey with a lot of highs and lows. I have found that it helps to talk about it. We have been trying to conveive for 22 months. We thought that we could do it on our own, but after a year of trying, we finally made the dreaded appointment with a Fertility Specialist at Shady Grove Fertility Clinic. We were sent for several tests and both of us were fine (normal). There was no reason for why we haven't been able to conceive, so we fell into that group cateorgized as "Unexplained Infertility".
Definition of unexplained infertility:
Infertility cases in which the standard infertility testing has not found a cause for the failure to conceive. Unexplained infertility is also referred to as idiopathic infertility. Another way to explain it is the "doctors can't figure it out" group.
We were told that we could continue to try on our own, but the chance of us conceiving naturally was only 3%. Very shocking to hear. We were advised that we were good candidates for the IUI w/injections program. IUI stands for Interuterine Insemination. That is where they take a fresh sample from Mac, wash it and weed out any bad swimmers and keep only the good. Then with a long catheter, the specialist will insert the sample directly into my uterus, bypassing the cervix. It sounds complicated but the process is vitually pain free and takes about five minutes. Before the actual procedure, at the start of a new cycle, I will take a few medicines, two of which are injections that Mac will administer in my stomach. We decided that we would give it a try.
The first IUI was in January and failed. The second IUI was put on hold because the injectable medicines had left two very large cysts on my right ovary. We held off an entire cycle (30 days, but felt like 60). We did the third IUI procedure on April 11. On April 26 we found out I was pregnant, but my beta numbers were very low. I had to go back on April 28 for more testing and my betas numbers were still low but rising. Back again on April 30 and the same results. Our doctors said they were cautiously opptimistic but they thought I was either going to miscarry or have a possible ectopic pregnancy. The next week would prove to be a very discouraging week. It was confirmed on May 5 that we were pregnant but that it was ectopic (in my right tube). They administered three shots in my hips that morning. Two were called Methotrexate (a chemotherapy drug that stops the growth of rapidly dividing cells, such as embryonic, fetal, and early placenta cells.) and one called Rhogan. We found out that I was Rh Negative and this shot protects me from making antibodies to Rh-positive blood. After two more days of beta tests my numbers continued to increase. On Mothers Day I was instructed to have an ob ultrasound and a second round of Methotrexate. That was a pretty depressing day. Most women are celebrating being mothers and I was saying goodbye to our baby.
Over the next few days, we mourned but we had also resolved that it just wasn't in Gods plan at this time. We were ready to move on with treatments as soon as the doctor gave us the go ahead. I went back to the doctor that week for another beta test and ultrasound. We got the news we were dreading. My numbers were still increasing and emergency Laproscopic surgery was needed. We were sent to Holy Cross Hospital and in a couple hours I was taken back to the OR. Everything was happening so fast. I was so scared and nervous. I was in good hands according to the fertility specialists and hospital. Within six hours we were on our way home... in a lot of pain both physcially and emotionally. The doctor found the pregnancy in my right tube and it has grown so much that my entire tube had to be removed. They also did a D&C at the same time and found that my uterus was clear and my left tube was clean. That was good news... I think.
For the next few days until present day I have been resting and just taking it easy. I am still in a great deal of pain physically (four holes and two incisions in my stomach), and had an allergic reaction to the Betadine they used. But everyday is getting a little better. I have been doing a lot of personal reflection and taking time to consider our next move, which seems to be IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization). I was told this morning that we would have to wait at least two months before we could try again. It will be a very long two months, if not longer.
Mac and I know that we are very blessed to have been able to get pregnant at all. We are hopeful that the future will bring us a little one... or two. We put all our trust in God. Only he knows what the outcome will be. We are going to take one day at a time. If its in his plans we will praise him... if its not in his plans we will praise him.
Someone sent me this video and it hits so close to home for Mac and I. It sums up what we are feeling and what we have been going through. Turn it up!
http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html
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