17.5 Months... We Have Reached the Year and a Half Milestone!

I know I say this all the time, but seriously... where has the time gone?  I feel like life is literally passing me by.  I blink and my girls have grown another inch, gained another pound, learned another word, and felt a new emotion.

It occurred to me the other night that all this growing has me feeling like I'm missing something.  I have been struggling to figure out what that "something" is for some time now and then it hit me like an arrow in the heart  while reading a bedtime story to Gracie.  As I was finishing up her new book, "Snuggle Bunnies", she spit her ba ba out, wiped off the little bit of milk that had leaked out onto her little chin and said, "Night night mommy, night night!", and nuzzled her little body deep into mine.

It was at that very moment when I knew that the "something" I was missing was called life.  I was missing LIFE!  I'm always so busy trying to keep it all together.  Trying to keep the girls on a consistent routine, good sleep schedule, rushed feeding times, all the while trying to be a good wife (which I've been failing miserably), working full time, and a taking care of a dog who has now started to act like a toddler.  Seriously, her idea of coloring with the girls is eating the crayons.

Gracie, in that tiny little moment, taught me to release!  I'm not saying that I'm 100% better now, but I have released some.  I am enjoying my girls, but I want my girls to enjoy me.  Does that make sense?  I want to see myself as the girls see me.  It was in that tiny moment that I learned that I don't care what I look like.  Okay, maybe just a little.  But I will never project that onto my girls.  I don't ever want them to go through what I did as a child/adolescent and teenager... the name calling, the bullying, being a loaner.  All those things shaped into the person I am today, but I want different for my girls.  We all do right?

I love that I'm the adult, but my girls are teaching me more about life in their short 17 months then I've learned in all my 38 years.  God seriously knew what he was doing when he created these two little cupcakes.  He made them just for me!  He made them to save me!  Not the other way around.

"Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise."  Jeremiah 17:14 (AMP)