Week 6 - IVF Journey

I'm a day early I know, but I had some time and a lot has happened since my last post.

So I'm on CD12 (Cycle Day 12) and feeling like an over-inflated balloon. I have been stuck about 31 times with a needle in the past 11 days. This past Saturday they added a 3rd shot (Cetrotide) to my IVF protocol. I get that injection in the stomach every morning. The other two (Gonal-F & Luveris) are still every evening in my stomach. We've been rotating sides daily... left one day, right the next. My stomach is beginning to resemble a child's art work. I often hear diabetics say they feel like a human pin cushion and well... I can sympathize. Mac was in a hurry yesterday and injected the needle into a blood vessel (not his fault). I have a nice bruise... my first one. I have tons of little tiny hole marks but this was my first official bruise. Of course it had to be the medicine that stings going in, so the pain was intensified. I have started to ice my skin for 3 minutes prior to injections. It helps some, but it's not full proof.

I have been to five doctors appointments in the past eight days. I am now on the daily plan, so I will go every morning for the next week and a half. Every visit I have to get blood drawn and a vaginal ultrasound. When your ovaries are stretched to the limit, a Vag US is not pleasant. Yesterday my E2 (Estrogen) was at 1379. Good, but my ovaries are taking their time. They decreased the amount of medicine, but not the amount of injections. Does that make sense? I'm still being stuck the same amount of times a day, just not with as much medicine. Today my ultrasound showed that the follicles in both ovaries are growing... just slowly. I have a lot of follicles but I have eight that are greater then 10mm in size. They are now at 13.5mm. They would like them at 18mm or greater before we'll move on to the actual Egg Retrieval. I'm waiting on a call back from my nurse to let me know what my E2 is today. My guess is it will be high, but hopefully not too high. They don't want me to ovulate on my own. If my follicles kick it into 5th gear then we could be doing the procedure this week. If they don't, then it looks like we'll be triggering (a shot into my hip that will send my body into ovulation within 36 hours) on Friday or Saturday night. That means the actual procedure will be on Sunday or Monday morning. If it's on Monday then I only have to work two days next week. LOL... is it bad that I just put that into the equation?

So here we are. Just waiting. In the meantime, I want to repost a message from a fellow blogger who is going through this same journey. I can relate so much to what she writes. You never think there's anyone out there that could be so similar... but I think I found my soul's twin.

This is from Mary: Today's topic is infertility pet peeves! Since I've begun this infertility journey, I've been surprised at how insensitive people can be. To be fair, I have not disclosed my situation to most people I know simply because I don't want to be defined by it. (I have told only a handful of people about this blog.) Maybe I don't have a right to expect a lot of sensitivity when I haven't shared what I'm going through, but come on people, put on your thinking caps for just a second: I've been married for 11 years, and I don't have children…perhaps there is a reason. So, here are some humdingers I've heard in recent years.

1. You have some catching up to do. A woman struck up a conversation with me at a party with the all-time favorite question "Do you have children?" When I said no, I got the follow-up question "How long have you been married?" When I said 10 years, she looked dumbfounded. Then she said, "Well, you have some catching up to do." Yep, you're right. Would you like to pay for my next IVF cycle?

2. Others' family planning. I have a friend who told me "I'm going to get pregnant in the next month or two so I can have the baby before our trip to Disney World next year." Oh. How nice you can plan it like that. And, it actually WORKED.

3. Look on the bright side. Don't you just hate people who say this? Not just for infertility, for anything. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am. Instead of being Little Miss Sunshine, why don't you just stick it where the sun don't shine?

4. Everything happens for a reason. Also known as "whatever is meant to be will be." If there is one thing I have learned, it is that most everything does not happen for a reason. I believe that bad stuff happens to good people for no good reason at all. I believe that there is no good reason for our infertility troubles. It is our responsibility to deal with these challenges and we're learning a lot in the process, but I don't believe it is for any particular reason. And I refuse to surrender to "whatever is meant to be" when I can fight as hard as I can to make my dream become my reality.

5. Backhanded compliments. "You're house is so clean! It must be easy since you don't have kids." Or "You're so skinny…but you haven't had kids yet." Thanks ... wait a minute ... are you implying that if I had kids I would be a fat slob?

6. You should adopt. This might seem like the most obvious solution in the world; however, adoption is a very complex, individual decision. Most people don't just wake up and say "Adoption! Why didn't I think of that? Let's go adopt today." I guarantee that every person who has experienced infertility has thought about adoption, but it's not the right answer for everyone. Nor is it easy. I have had several friends who have had wonderful experiences with adoption. I have also had friends who have bonded with a baby when the birth mother changes her mind and takes the baby back. I've had friends spend nearly $100,000 in adoption costs. Trust me, it's complicated. There is no cookie-cutter solution for infertility.

7. Quit your job and you'll get pregnant. Maybe this would work, but I don't have the luxury to find out. I've got to pay for those fertility treatments so I don't really have a choice, do I? And then there's the time someone told me to get pregnant so I could quit my stressful job.

8. I know how you feel. If you are going to say this, you had darn well better know how I feel. When someone truly does, it is incredibly validating and comforting. When someone doesn't, it's just insulting. If you have not been through a gamut of painful medical tests that violate your privacy, or experienced weight gain, hair loss, acne, or mood swings because of fertility drugs, if you have not had to give yourself daily shots in the stomach, if you have not drained your bank account to pay for treatments that don't work, if you have not put your life on hold for years waiting for something to happen, then you cannot possibly know how I feel.

9. God has a plan for you. This statement is back-loaded and complex. I was raised in a very religious home, so it makes me feel disloyal to argue with this. But what about my plans for me? Aren't they important?

10. Just relax, and it will happen. Also known as "be positive!" I cannot express enough loathing for these comments. For the record, we did try this—the whole first year we tried to conceive. At that time, I wasn't worried because I was certain we would get pregnant, and we were three years younger then, so our chances would have been better. However, you can help me feel a little more positive if you come closer so I can kick you in the shins.

Thanks Mary for putting into words what we all feel. As for me, my #1 all time favorite insensitive comment that is not mentioned here is when you are around friends that have kids, who may be acting a little crazy or not to their parents liking, and you get the famous... "Are you sure you want kids???".... Well hmm, let me think about this... you know what, now that I've thought about it, YES!

I am so grateful to have such wonderful people in my life. But I do wish others could understand that choosing to proceed with fertility treatments is a major decision that is physically, mentally, financially and emotionally draining. Thank you to everyone who has been supportive and been kind enough to watch what they say. I love you all.

Stay tuned.