Week 1 - IVF #2 Journey... 22 Follies and counting!

I'm laid up again. This time I've managed to make a permanent spot on the couch. My neck and back issues have been flaring up since I've been laying around. I still cannot eat and keeping fluids down is not going as planned. Nothing is pleasing... you know what I mean... when you smell something, look at something, or think of drinking/eating something and your mouth starts filling up with saliva? Ugh... nasty feeling!

I went back to the doctors again this morning. They gave me the news that I have 22 follicles already. This could be the reason for why I have been so sick and weak. They have cut back my doses again, so now I'm on 300iu's of Gonal-F and the same 150iu's of Luveris. I'm hoping that this means I'll start feeling better. I have to go back to the doctors tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and bloodwork. Yes, that's right, on Thanksgiving.

Not sure if its because I'm sick and not really myself right now, but I'm just not feeling very confident about this cycle. Things are progressing way too fast. Last cycle things took too long and now they are going to fast. I have this feeling they are going to cancel this cycle. I'm not emotional about it either way. I have given all of this over to the Lord, so it's not for me to worry about anymore.

I will keep you posted after I get the results from tomorrow's appointment. Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

IVF #2 - Hurry Up!

Hey friends and family... well its almost that time. We're patiently waiting for my next cycle to begin. For once in my life... I wish mother nature would hurry up and knock on my door. I know ladies, you cringe at the thought, but for me it means I'm one step closer to starting treatment. So I am shouting to the sky... BRING IT ON MOTHER NATURE... BRING... IT... ON!!!!!!!!!!

I received my meds last week. Nothing like having to have them delivered to work and have your coworkers comment on why someone would put such a large FedEx box in the refrigerator. 'Um, hands off buddy. Don't you see that's marked 'PERSONAL & CONFIDENTIAL'?'. So this time in my lovely box that you could fit a Barbie van in, I have the following:

Lupron
Luveris
Gonal-F Pens
Cetrotide
Estradidol
Endometrium Vag Suppositories
Zithromax
40 injection needles... yes I said 40 (does not include the gonal-f injections)

I'm ready for it to begin and so is Mac. He's becoming a pro at giving me the injections and well... I'm still a wimp when it comes to receiving them.

Stay tuned ladies and gentlemen. Wait... do I even have any male followers? Hmm? Either way, stayed tuned for this next chapter of our lives to begin. I'll let you know as soon as we turn the page.

What Nobody Told You About Trying to Conceive…

What Nobody Told You About Trying to Conceive…

•That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.
•That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.
•That you would see your OBGYN/RE more often than your DH at O time.
•That the longer you TTC (Trying To Conceive), the more PG (Pregnant) women spring up around you.
•That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.
•That one day you wouldn't mind checking your CM (Cervical Mucus) or CP (Cervical Position) to see if it is your fertile period.
•That I should have gone to medical school like my mom wanted, because I've had to do so much medical research by now just to figure out what was wrong with me, I might as well be an M.D.
•That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.
•That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm
•That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month
•That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant.
•That you have no control over some of the goals you set.
•That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change!
•That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.
•That miscarriage is so common.
•That I would wish we had started TTC earlier.
•That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.
•That I wasted ALOT of money on Birth control pills!!
•That it would help bring a group of wonderful, caring, funny, empathetic women together like this.
•That I would EVER be willing to stick a little blue pill up my hoo-haa (estrace pill...done vaginally),
•That I'd EVER be willing to stab myself in the stomach or hip every day in the hopes that it will help get me PG.
•That it wouldn't happen the first time you didn't use birth control like we were led to believe in school.
•That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen.
•That family would act like getting pregnant was a competition between all the young couples in the family, and the first one to get pg "wins".
•That my DH is the most wonderful and caring man!
•That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!
•That women who do get pregnant are so very blessed!
•That I could have been rich saving money on condoms, which were obviously unnecessary.
•That I would be happy to see abundant cervical fluid and tell my DH (Darling Husband) about it.
•That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.
•That medicine and procedures are not a sure fire way to get pregnant but it is a sure fire way to lose money fast.
•That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my bungalow in Hawaii by now.
•That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid.
•That having AF show up makes you cry, no matter who's bathroom you are in.
•That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.
•Feeling like you wish your life away in 2 week increments.
•That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.
•That a group of "strangers" who I will probably never meet, have now become my "best friends" when it comes to TTC.
•That talking about sex with fellow TTCers would be so easy.
•That infertility is more common than you think.
•That DH would get used to doing his 'thing' in a cup.
•That one day all of this will make us stronger.
•That there is sometimes darkness (infertility) before the light (a baby).
•That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.
•That infertility is not as rare as I was led to believe.
•That I would find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people's pregnancies and I would fight back the tears upon hearing their news.
•That it could hurt so much to lose your innocence.
•That I am very bitter towards unmarried accidental pregnancies, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pregnancies.
•That there is nothing to aid conception in the water at work, despite what some may say.
•That I'd discover who my true friends are, both in real life and online.
•That I'd pray for something to be wrong with me just so I could have an answer to what's wrong with me.
•That I would know about other peoples' BD (Baby Dancing), CP, CM but not know their real name, their DH's name, or their occupation.
•That I could spend so much time and money on figuring out what my body is doing (or not doing).
•That I would have to rely on doctors to give me the final say-so on what I can or can't do (on a med/procedure break forced by my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) against my wishes)
•That foreplay would consist of DH asking "How's your cervix today?"
•That an HSG will tell you more than just whether or not your tubes are blocked. I had no idea your uterus could be misshaped.
•That one person could be "cursed" with so many different fertility problems.
•That I should have become a gyno - which I think at this point I know more then some.
•That some people just say the wrong things.
•That a simple blood test costs $648!
•That sex would ever become a chore.
•That actually having a miscarriage would allow me to understand the loss that others have felt.
•That I would resent someone who has been trying less time than me telling me "I know how you feel..."
•That DH would be overly concerned that our BD positions were the most effective ones!
•That I would become NUMB to the wonderful world around me that I already have (DH, family, friends, dogs, fun, etc)!
•That I would become addicted to POAS and not sleep at night because I couldn't wait to POAS in the morning!
•That I would be so sad, and ashamed.
•That I would learn to speak in code – like: I checked CM which was EWCM but when I will POAS who knows, DH won't let me for fear of BFN. Which really reads: I checked "Cervical Mucus" which was "Eggwhite Cervical Mucus" but when I will "Pee On A Stick" who knows, "Darling Husband" won't let me for fear of "Big Fat No".
•That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through.
•That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it, because your FM says high or peak.
•That people would pity you and feel sorry for you.
•That I would dream about taking my temperature and be disappointed if I woke up at 3am and it wasn't time yet.
•That I would stop fantasizing about having a baby because it stopped making me happy.
•That I would buy herbs and otc creams like vitex and progest, use them for two days, and then chicken out.
•That I would hear well-meaning questions like: "Have you thought of taking your temperature?" (and this is after 20 months of TTC...)
•That my brother, who started TTC at the same time we did and whose wife got PG three months later, would go on and on telling me how tough and tiring life with a baby is, and then finish with: "You have no idea what it's like!"
•That the two little words of "just relax" uttered by everyone I know would infuriate me beyond belief.
•That someone would suggest adoption to me in order to get pregnant (because it happened to a friend of theirs) before I had even had any testing done.
•That we would have to schedule a BD session so DH could do it in a cup a few days later.
•That I would have to help DH do it in a cup.
•That my friends who started TTC #1 around the same time we did would already be pregnant with #2 or #3 before we get pregnant with #1.
•That I wouldn't be able to attend my friend's babies 1st birthday parties because of the question, "So, when are ya'll going to have children?"
•That the people around me would become more insensitive as time goes on. "It is so hard having a new baby, you just wouldn't understand." or "Be happy you're not tied down."
•That I would watch a Baby Story every day... only to cry every day.
•That it puts this much strain on a marriage.
•That I spent years trying not to get pregnant, and praying for my period. Now I can't seem to lose the witch!
•It's good to know I am not alone.
•That I would have to listen to people complain about their children as if they were burdens while a child is the one thing in the world I want the most. Also, they sound as if they are trying to talk me out of having kids, like it is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me.
•That I would yell at commercials on the TV (that "having a baby changes everything" one really gets to me. I can't watch it without snapping "So does not having one.")
•That I would have to stop watching Birth Day and A Baby Story (two shows I love) because it just hurts too much.
•That a friend would hide and ignore her own pregnancy to try to keep me from being upset.
•That your body has its own mind.
•That you would be keeping it a secret from everyone.
•That you would tell everyone you're not ready for a child when they ask what you’re waiting for.
•That the broken heart you feel each month is equal to the pain you feel when you lose a loved one.
•That you feel useless as a female and wife.
•That you will soon be lying through your teeth telling people that you don't want children.
•That you feel that your body has betrayed you by not delivering a regular cycle, the right amount of the required "hormones" or doing what it should know how to do.
•That you feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to".
•That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so bad.
•That my faith in God would be tested heavily.

Welcome to my life!

IVF #2 on Hold

Just received a call from my fertility specialist. We are going to take a cycle off and let my body rest and rejuvenate. The next cycle we will start after this fresh cycle ends. We're hoping to regroup mid November.

The protocol is a little different. I don't have to take the birth control pills (thank goodness), but there could be a drawback to that if it doesn't go the way the doctor wants. At the next cycle we will start taking the injections again, just much high dosages then last time. At the time of transfer they will actually do a procedure called Assisted Hatching.

The concept is that some embryos may need some help escaping from within their shells - so that they can implant in the mother's uterine lining. Assisted Hatching is performed the following ways:

1. The embryo is held with a specialized holding pipette.
2. A very delicate, hollow needle is used to expel an acidic solution against the outer "shell" (zona pellucida) of the embryo.
3. A small hole is made in the shell by digesting it with the acidic solution.
4. The embryo is then washed and put back in culture in the incubator.
5. The embryo transfer procedure is done shortly after the hatching procedure. Embryo transfer places the embryos in the woman's uterus where they will hopefully implant and develop to result in a live birth.

I will be back to post more later.

Week 9 - IVF Journey... Completed!!!!

I just received the confirmation call that the pregnancy test was in fact negative. I'm okay right now. Thank you all for your comments, emails and phone calls expressing your love, concern and support. It means a lot to me to know I have such a great support system.

Waiting for my doctor to call me back with my next protocol. My nurse says it will probably be the same because I am an "above average" responder to the meds. I will have to do either 14 or 21 days of BCP (birth control pills) again. I hate it, but that's what he wants me to do, so I'll do it.

I was watching a Joyce Meyers broadcast yesterday that helped me to realize that I need to release my faith. I have faith but I need to trust God fully. I have to stop worrying, stop being confused, and stop trying to change things. If they haven't been changed yet then God doesn't want them to be changed.

I need to surrender to him!!!!! I need to lean on him!!!!!

"’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’" Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. ²³"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. ²⁴Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:22-24


Tonight Marty has a football game that I'm not going to miss. On the way I am going to stop at Starbucks and get a Grande White Mocha, Extra Whip. Yes, I said Extra Whip. I believe I have earned the right to have it now. I will give it up again in a few weeks when we start our IVF #2 cycle.

I will try and keep my blog updated with new IVF information and the latest on our struggles with Dexter.

Keep those prayers coming and I promise to try to be more optimistic on our next go round. Love you all!

Week 8 - IVF Journey... Cycle #1 Comes to a End

Saturday night was a disaster. I don't know what happened but I ended up getting really sick. I won't go into details but lets just say that it started at 9pm Saturday night and continued until 11am Sunday morning. Because of the severity of the symptoms I called Shady Grove and they wanted me to come to there ER right away. They thought it might be OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome). Its excessive stimulation of the ovaries. It can be serious, if you are pregnant. We drove to Rockville where they did a vaginal ultrasound and found nothing wrong. The sent me to the ER off Beulah. They hooked me up to IVs because I was dehydrated and since there was a chance I could be pregnant, they did a pregnancy test just to be sure. They gave me Zofran (anti nauseau meds) and Tylenol for the pain. About an hour later then came in and told me my Beta was "0". I looked at the paper and wanted to break down. Mac asked what that meant and she told us that we were not pregnant.

I emailed my doctor as soon as I got home to see if I should quit taking my meds. He said that he wanted me to come in on Wednesday to take a test in his office, but since my Beta was "0" at the hospital, he wasn't hopeful that anything would change. We're suppose to talk later in the week on when we can start IVF cycle #2.

I decided to stay home today because I'm still not feeling well. As I sit here and type this, I am sad but not surprised. I look at the picture of our two embryos sitting on my end table and some how just not shocked that this cycle failed. I was hopeful throughout this cycle, but still had doubts.

What saddens me most is that I feel like a failure as a woman and a wife. I can't give Mac a child of his own. What is wrong with me?

Week 7 - IVF Journey... Nothing to Freeze :(

I know I said yesterday that my blog was on hold, but I had to let you know that I received a call from my nurse this morning. She was checking up on me, but also needed to let me know that none of the remaining embryos we had leftover made it. One made it to Blastocyst stage but quickly arrested. That means that none of our embryos could be frozen. It basically boils down to that my embryos really weren't that viable, and that if this cycle fails then I will have to go through all the shots again.

Of course now I am feeling a bit discouraged. She told me the two they transferred looked great and I shouldn't be worried. However, anyone that knows me knows I'm going to worry and going to think the worst. She said the pregnancy rate for transfers at our stage is 50%-60%. I know that's a good percentage, but I can't help to wonder if I just have bad eggs. It's a little disheartening to know that the rest of the embies didn't survive and that the two we have now may not progress either.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Week 7 - IVF Journey... Cavitating Embryos Transfered

Only have a minute but wanted to update you.

As of Thursday evening we were still on hold because as I told you before, our embryos had slowed down. I got a call Friday morning around 9:30am from my doctor saying that our embryos kicked it into high gear and had grown a lot overnight. Four out of the 11 had grown to the Cavitating stage. This is considered an Early Blastocyst (in between a Morula and Blastocyst). The others were not as progressed and one of them had "arrested". He said we were all set for a Day 5 Transfer but it wasn't going to be at a Blastocyst stage. He was optimistic that they could be Blastocysts by the time we had the transfer, but couldn't promise that. We decided to transfer two of the best embryos, even if they were only at the Cavitating stage.

We arrived in Rockville at 1:00m and the transfer took place at 1:45pm exactly. It was neat to watch them transfer them. It was an "aww" moment when they came in and handed Mac a sonogram picture and said, "Here's a picture of your babies." I wanted to cry, but I held it together. I've attached the pictures for your viewing pleasure.

We are optimistic, hopeful and prayerful that our embryoswill implant themselves and in nine months we will be posting pics. But we are also realists, so we will be patient and we will trust what God decides for us.

Thank you all for your continued you prayers. We still need them. This is where my IVF journey blog will come to a halt (unless something happens). My next post will be the answer to the question I know I will be asked a million times over... "Well... did it work... are you pregnant?"

Stayed tuned...

Week 7 - IVF Journey... Embies Have Slowed Down

I just got my daily update from my doctor. He said that my embryos are growing slower then what they would like to see at this point, but that Day 4 is almost a nebulous day anyway. They are all at or around the 6-8cell range. He said that tomorrow could be completely different and they could start growing rapidly. We're scheduled for a transfer of two embryos for tomorrow but he believes he is going to push it to Day 6 because of the slow growth. I am sad right now because we've gone through enough. I've heard and read that Day 6 transfers don't have a good success rate. That it's possible, but the numbers aren't in our favor.

Thinking I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself right now so I don't have much to say. :(

Week 7 - IVF Journey... Divide and Conquer

Just hung up with the doctor. Here are our stats for today. Out of the 11 embryos, 2 of them are only at the 3-cell stage. The rest divided into either 5-8 cells. I got a little quiet on the phone. My doctor quickly said, "Oh no Brit, this isn't a bad phone call. It's good news. They are growing the way we want them to."

Swoosh, okay, so we will go on to tomorrow still praying that our embryos will continue to divide and conquer. Tomorrow is Day 4 and we're looking for a higher division of cells and even possibly the 8-cells to have formed into a "morula". Here is a picture of an 8-cell embryo and a morula.

Marty has a football game tonight, so I'm going to watch and enjoy my evening and try not to think of our dividing embryos. LOL.

Stay tuned...